Thirty-Two, Seek and Ye Shall Find

Thirty-Two

Seek and Ye Shall Find

2 June 1824

I am still writing about yesterday, as there is much to say about it.  Writing about the bear event took the remainder of my ink, and it was a good point to stop, as it was time to eat.  Susie brought in a light lunch of bread and some chicken, and as usual, left quickly.

Mother came downstairs for lunch. She said Father is feeling better and it won't be long until he comes downstairs, too. Other than that, she did not say anything. I said nothing at all, not even about the bear.

We ate our meal in silence, then she went back upstairs. I washed the dishes, there being no one else to do so. It all seems so strange; the girls are gone, and so is TJ. Although he used to live with Father, the cabin was but a short distance and TJ always ate at least one meal a day with us, depending upon whether he was in the fields, out hunting, or off somewhere to trade.

I finished up, and sat down to write but just then, Reverend Terry came riding up. I met him at the door, not sure that I wanted to have him come inside. We have never told anyone outside of our family about how we had been living before, with Father in the nearby cabin. And we had not told anyone about his illness.

I invited him in, as I could not think of a good reason why not.

We sat in the parlor, and Reverend Terry told me that he and wife were concerned about how I might be doing. I looked down at the floor, and lied that I was just fine, thank you for asking. He said that when he brought me home on Monday, he noticed the damage to the house and some of the other buildings on the property. That was some storm, he said. Yes, I agreed, and I left it at that.

Reverend Terry said that he hoped that I would have come to the services this past Sunday. He wanted me to know that whatever might be troubling me, I could bring it to the Lord. I do not see how, I thought.

He reminded me that the Wednesday night class meeting was that night, and that he expected me to attend, for that was a part of the covenant I had made. He said that he believed that I must be facing some difficulties in my life, but that I need not be alone. He said that one of the responsibilities each week is to pray for each person in the group no matter if they had confessed all of their troubles. It is just easier if you can share the burden.

I pondered this, the sharing of the burden. I did want to talk to someone, to share what was troubling me. But to a group of people, some whom I barely knew?

I told Reverend Terry, truthfully, that I was seeking some answers, but I could not say more.

Reverend Terry smiled in a gentle, kind way. I noticed for the first time that he had a dimple on one side, which showed itself when he smiled. I relaxed a little.

There is a verse in Matthew, he said, which in part says, Seek and ye shall find. He said that we would be discussing that very verse at the meeting and that he hoped that I could come. I found myself agreeing. Reverend Terry stood up, asking that I give his regards to my parents, and took his leave.

It wasn't about playing the piano or singing hymns that compelled me to go to the meeting, although music is very important to me. It wasn't about wanting to see Mr. DuBois, because he was still gone to Mobile. I just wanted some answers, and if I can be helped in that regard, I would give it a try.

Truly, I was desperate.