Deeper
21
June 1824
Yesterday
afternoon, after services, John walked me home along the path. On a path going the opposite direction once
we reached the river, Mr. Houck was walking with Nan. It appears that we are in danger of repeating
the circumstances of a Jane Austen novel--quick romances, best friends,
sisters. All that is missing, really, is
marrying into great wealth. Ha!
But
it does not matter to me, this great wealth.
We had a comfortable living in Laurens, I suppose. We were also (and still are) in close
proximity to the wealth of my uncle. But
I cannot see where this wealth brings about the deepest of emotions.
I
do not mock the comfortable circumstances that I have had and continue to
have. I am not unmindful that there is
always food on the table, and that, other than our trip to Alabama, I have always had a comfortable bed
in which to sleep. There is always a
fire, and always someone to tend to it.
There
are people in our midst who go about providing for us such daily comforts, and
in return, they have a roof over their head, food to eat, clothes to wear, and
some semblance of happiness I suppose.
We
have our share of tragedy, too, and it is no greater nor worse on the account
of wealth, or so it seems.
I
guess that I am thinking on these things now, because John appears to be
something of a social reformer. I am of
no opinion on the matter at this point, but I am interested in whatever
interests John. He is a good person, and
I believe that good shall always follow him.
John
appears to be genuinely interested in me, beyond the fact that there are few
that he could look to for a companion.
This still baffles me a little.
Mayhaps he should see me on a Tuesday, looking for eggs with straw and
feathers in my hair, and a smudge upon my face, rather than the scrubbed appearance
that I present for services, every hair in place, and my best frock being
displayed.
On
another matter, I wonder how Nan is
negotiating the issue of Father with Mr. Houck lingering about. I have not again had a moment to speak with
the latter about his query, and I am grateful for that. I have no clear answer for him. I suppose that he will make his choice, and
soon will be asking for Nan's hand.
It
is ironic, I think, that things are moving down such a path so quickly! Nan and I
met Mr. Houck and John on the same evening last month, and now it appears that
she is to be married soon, while I am just getting acquainted. I much prefer my own way on such a matter,
much as I wish to dream about the future and how bright I believe that it can
be. There is much to be cautious about,
and rather than marry first and worry later, I would prefer to proceed slowly,
with due diligence.
John
gave me much to think about, bringing my thoughts from the frivolous to the
practical. I appreciate such
conversation. I have spent many years
keeping my own counsel, and it is refreshing that someone should think me
worthy of sharing the deeper discussions.
What we talked about, I shall have to leave for another time, as it is
growing dark and I need to reflect some more on what we spoke about. But I shall also hope to dream of John
tonight, for doing so causes me to smile, and, dare I say, be happy.
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