Seventy-Two, Unfinished Business

Seventy-Two
Unfinished Business
9 October 1824
There was a matter that I needed to attend to in order to put things into order and close out this chapter of my life.  I needed to see TJ.
I rode Molly to the fields where I most expected him to be this morning and found him standing under a tree drinking water from a jug.  It was unusually hot today, so when TJ offered me a drink, too, I accepted.
I told TJ that I had been to see Father.  TJ looked at me warily, turning his face sideways to look at me with only one eye.
TJ, I shall come straight to the point.  Father told me that the two of you have quarreled over what he did with his property some years ago.  He said he told you that he had given Josiah Junior his property to hold in trust for all of us, but then capitulated when I told him that I knew he had sold the property.  He admitted that he had indeed sold it, adding that it was for less than fair market value.  He further admitted that he had done so to avoid creditors and to avoid paying mother.  He did not tell me the exact nature of your argument, but I gather that perhaps you were unhappy that there is nothing left to give you when you turned 21, or when you marry; and nothing left to leave to you on his death.
I was angry, TJ, for although I do not believe that he necessarily owes any of us just for being his children, I do believe that he owed Mother for her support and that of us children.  I found that to be very low, and I find that his explanation that Uncle was taking care of us all to be cowardly.
But, TJ, here is what I have come to clear with you:
Father said that your anger over this argument was the motive for telling me of that day long ago when he was with Susie in flagrante delicto, with you watching and another man participating.  He completely denies that this ever happened.
TJ’s cheeks reddened, and he clenched his hands, making them into fists. He started to say something, but I held my hand up, and asked him to listen.
TJ, I want you to know that I believe the truth to be somewhere between what he told me, and what you have said.  I understand very well now why it is you would be angry with Father, but I believe that your exaggeration exacerbated a horrible situation.   TJ was shaking his head, incredulously, but said nothing.  I concluded that his silence meant that while he did not like what I was saying, he was not completely disagreeing with it.
I continued:
I have made my peace with Father.  I am not certain what role he will play in my life from now on, but I am freed from carrying the burden of not forgiving and the anger that comes with it. 
I looked at TJ pleadingly, and gently and lovingly said, TJ, I feel so much better now.  I hope that you can some day do the same.
I waited for him to say something, and several times he started to, but then stopped.  He looked away.
TJ, said I.
I am not angry with you.  I love you.  You are my sweet little brother, and I wish you well.
And…
I hope that I may dance at your wedding.
This last was said with a wink, although once I said it, I wondered if Methodists dance at weddings, or ever, for any reason.