Fifty-Six, Gone

Fifty-Six

Gone

5  July 1824

The events of yesterday are so shocking that I shall take my time to describe them.

John came by our house here at Warner's (I am now starting to call it my home, too) at what has become his customary two hours early.  We enjoy walking together, slowly, talking, laughing, or just being quiet and listening to the sounds God gave us ears to listen to.

We have been discussing if we are going to tell anyone else about Susie, and whether we are going to tell Susie what we know.  We had agreed that we were not going to discuss what TJ told me.  It is for TJ to do.   I expect that Susie ever talking about that incident (and I suspect that it was not the only incident) is unlikely.

But at some point along the way, John said, this is the Lord's Day, let us rejoice and be glad, quoting Psalms.  (I am slowly learning some of the more important passages!)

I was quite happy to do so.  I skipped along, singing a hymn, and trying to get John to join me.  He was trying to decide if skipping and singing was a proper activity for the Sabbath Day, and he decided that it was not work, and if it is something that does not mock the Lord, that it would be permissible.  But he wasn't entirely sure, so he left it to me to skip by myself.  I think that was just the excuse that he was using.

We arrived at the Terry place a little early.  I was just thinking how much I was looking forward to Susie's fried chicken, as she always brought plenty for everyone.  This was something that Father never objected to, her bringing chicken, and he never objected to her keeping the Sabbath in whatever way she saw fit.

But as soon as we got there, we were set upon by Nan and Joseph who looked quite grim.

Susie is gone, Nan said.

You know that she never is sick, and never misses church, she continued. 

When we were waiting for her to walk up the path behind us, Jeremiah came walking up to us, looking worried.  He said that when he arose this morning, Susie was not there.  This was not unusual, for she arises before any of us.  But he said that the fire had not been made and no pots were disturbed.  He said that he did not think anything amiss, but figured that she had been called to do something up at the house.  But when he saw Joseph coming, and still no Susie, he started looking around for her.  He then noticed that her little straw doll that she has had since a child was placed on her pallet with its head cut off.  This spooked Jeremiah, which is when he came to tell us that he could not find her.

Nan said that she went inside the house to make sure that Susie was not there somewhere, but she did not tell Father or Mother who or what she was looking for.   That is when she and Joseph decided to come up to the Terry Place where they knew we would be, so that we can figure out what to do.

We have no idea how long she has been gone, but it seems to be clear that either someone took her, or she has run away on her own volition.  The doll with its head off was a disturbing sign.  I thought of Susie and the native, and I also thought of Father and what he might be capable of. 

I told the other three that I had more than once seen Susie with the native on Sundays when she was supposed to be staying for Sunday afternoon lessons.  I said that because of what I knew form Father, that she was our half-sister, that I would give her some leeway.  It is not as if Father cares what she does on Sundays, I said.

We decided that Father and Mother must be told at some point.  We disagreed about whether it be immediately or at a later time.  We thought about how it was possible that she was just taking some time to walk somewhere rather than go to church, including going to see the native.  If she were to come back by sundown, no one need be worried. 

Joseph said, if she has run away, however, the sooner we tell someone, the better.

This is where we had a polite disagreement.

Privately, I was thinking that if Susie has run away, then it is divine retribution for the things that Father has done.  John may have been thinking the same thing, for he said, let us go on to the services, pray on the matter, and by the time services are done, perhaps she will show up.  If not, we can then go look for the native, since he usually meets her just after lunch.

Joseph was not particularly happy about this plan, but then he does not miss services lightly.  He agreed to stay for the services.

Reverend Terry was made aware of the situation just after services were over.  He was of the opinion that we should wait until sundown before being worried.  But we were already worried. We ate quickly and were on our way.  Nan and Joseph went back to the house, and John and I went to where I usually see the native and Susie. 

The native was not at the usual spot, nor was Susie.  We waited for perhaps an hour before deciding to go to the house to meet up with Nan and Joseph.  When we arrived, Nan and Joseph told us that they did not wait, but went on and told Father and Mother what they knew.  They said that Father grew very pale, and that he had to sit down.  He said that it was his fault, but he did not explain.  He went to Jeremiah's cabin, and then he went looking about the rest of the property on horseback.

Father soon came back and said, simply, she is gone.  He got off the horse, and  then collapsed.  Joseph and John carried him inside, laying him down in the parlour, and as they were discussing whether they were going to carry him upstairs, he came to, and began weeping.  It is my fault, he said again.

Mother was nearby, not really tending to father, and was just being silent which was uncharacteristic.  She is normally an ebullient but also emotional woman, given over to swings from angry to sad to happy in a matter of a few hours, or even minutes.  But she was silent.

Father asked to speak to me alone.  John said that he was not leaving me alone with him.  Nan and Joseph and Mother did step outside, however.

Father said, I told Susie that I was her father last night. 

She was outside, preparing to lay the firewood for the evening fire, when he saw her.  She stood there, silent at first, but then said, I always knew in some way.  She then turned away and walked to Jeremiah's cabin.  Father supposed that she was angry, or maybe sad, he did not know, but he had decided to leave her be.

Father, have you told Mother the truth? I asked.  He said, we have not spoken of it, but I think she knows.

Just then, Mother came into the room and said we have to go find her and bring her back.  She is worth a lot of money, and I think that if I talk to her, or maybe you, Louisa, one of us can talk her into coming home willingly.  She will know that this is a foolish thing that she is trying to do, and will come to her senses.  We will do her no harm, but we must act quickly.

Father said, Nan, she is the slave I was going to give you for your wedding.  What do you want to do?

Nan stammered, and said that she did not know.  Joseph spoke up, saying that Mother's plan made the most sense.  John said, if we wait until evening, and give her a chance to come home willingly, I think this is the best plan.  I agreed.  But Mother and Joseph were adamant about making haste.    

They saddled up two of the horses, saying that Joseph could take one and start looking, and that John and I could take the other, going by the Terry Place to fetch another horse.  She told Nan to stay with Father who was still quite weak, and in the parlour.   She said that she would continue to look about the property, perhaps Susie was just wanting to be alone and was hiding.

John and I mounted the horse, and we went to the Terry place.  And there we discussed our plan.