Forty-Two, Transition

Forty-Two

Transition

18 June 1824

I have been so busy that I have not had the opportunity to write in several days.  Suffice it to say that I am now in residence with my brother, Warner, and that my sister Nancy is now back at home.  Patsy remains at Uncle's, she making herself indispensable with the children there.

I have a little space near the hearth in the main sitting room where we also take our meals and entertain what few guests might venture our way.   I have not shared space with my brother since before we came to Alabama.  His was the first residence to be completed here, my brothers and Father and some of the cousins and neighbors helping to raise the structure.

It shall take some getting used to, but I shall enthusiastically embrace the opportunity for being here.  Or at least, I shall try,  my desire to leave the residence where my Father has reinserted himself being greater than any perceived inconvenience it may be to no longer have any privacy, or, above all, to admit that I completely lack cooking skills or any skills whatsoever of a housekeeping nature.  I now realize that I have been allowed much leeway in such matters, owing to my mother and sisters' complete fondness for domestic chores.

My sister-in-law, Charlotte, is in as much need as I can give her for tea, as she is able to consume little else.  This is the third time that she has been in this condition, that I know of, and it is a pitiable thing seeing her so.  I suppose that she and my brother have shared much sorrow, as it seems that she cannot but lose any infant from her grasp before such infant is able to take breath. 

My brother is in the fields and with the cattle and pigs and chickens from before sunup to after sundown.  He is no stranger to hard work, and he toils side by side with the several slaves that he has at his disposal.  One of the slaves comes by twice a day to tend to the fire and see to it that we have some food, but this is only while Charlotte is otherwise indisposed, for all the help is needed elsewhere about the place.

Little Thomas is being sent for from his father's house; I believe that he will be here on Sunday.  I hope that he will happily embrace being here and will look to his learning as an enjoyable task.  I fear that he has been allowed to run free a bit too much.

I had been hopeful that my arrival here on Wednesday would have been a quick and easy transition, for I had wanted to attend the Wednesday evening services at the Terrys. 

And now I must take care to interpret all that transpired from Sunday until Wednesday, as I am still trying to sort it all out.

I returned to home from Uncle's on Sunday to find Mother much displeased with my departure without her.  I have given little thought to her these past weeks, being upset as I have been that Father should be allowed within our midst, and that Mother should take so quickly to his care.  I realize now that there is much that I do not comprehend. 

Mother keeps her own counsel these days, but I remember that there once was a time when she was more than capable of shouting her displeasure, or of tossing whatever object was nearby if something were amiss.  This was many years ago.

Being here with my brother, and away from my mother, allows the distance to consider things more at length and perhaps more thoughtfully.  It also brings me back to some memories that I have long thought worth being put out of mind completely.

I remember again that terrible day, with details starting to re-emerge afresh, and with a new understanding that comes from now being an adult.  I can only withstand such memories in small doses, however, and so it is that I put my mind to other things when I can.

I was thus very pleased, and very relieved, to have Sarah Terry come calling on Thursday.  She told me that she had been concerned when I did not come to services on Wednesday night, so she set off to visit with me.  She first went to Mother's house and learnt what has transpired with my moving to Warner's and my sister Nancy returning home.  She thence came here.

I was so very happy to receive her here!  I was able to spend some time with her, although not much time alone, as Charlotte was in need.  Sarah and I tended to Charlotte together, and the burden of doing so became very light.  Sarah seemed quite relieved to see that her concern for me was mostly unfounded, although she was unaware of why she should remain of any care for my wellbeing.  All in good time.